It has come to my attention that I have been an internet worm for over a decade now.
It all started with a sweatshirt and way too many puns.
(yes, I can admit now it’s questionable to establish your entire brand on the foundation of puns)
((yes, the title of this newsletter is testament to old habits dying hard))


I was wandering aimlessly in the mall of career options.
I thought about becoming a health writer, then a psychologist, a public health epidemiologist. A naturopath, DO/MD, RD or PA.
I applied to and started an RD program. I quit and found an online Master’s instead.
I started posting heavily filtered photos of my meals on the internet.
I worked as a nurse’s aide for nearly 3 years, seeing patients on a variety of floors and helping them bathe, walk, and go to the bathroom.
I applied to PA school and was accepted. I put the deposit it then forfeited my position to finish my nutrition Master’s and pursue social media.
I got off the waitlist of another PA school and decided to go for it.
I hated PA school and wanted to quit after a semester.
I persevered and finished the program (though questioned it most of the way).
I got certified as a yoga teacher.
I started applying to jobs and was rejected from most.
I finally got an interview for my dream new grad PA position, and then a pandemic happened.
I waited a few months, and got said dream position and started working during the early days of a pandemic.
I was enormously terrified, but fell in love with patient care, medicine, and my coworkers.
I learned more about intuitive eating and got certified as a counselor.
I started a group visit with curriculum rooted in my varying professional interests and backgrounds - nutrition, intuitive eating, mindfulness, and medicine.
I pursued a nutrition internship to obtain the CNS certification (8 years after finishing the nutrition Master’s degree).
I obtained the certification and started working at Indigo.
I received an opportunity to be a program director of a new wellbeing and lifestyle medicine program, and after some hesitation, accepted the position.
Holy hell what a decade!!
Certainly many career milestones, but perhaps in a much larger way.
I was heartbroken and lost.
I threw myself into work and career to gloss over pain and deep-rooted insecurity. But I can admit I went too far in that direction. Slingshotted stubbornly to career hyper-focus to avoid thinking too much about what was going on underneath.
In all of the doing I kind of forgot about the being.
With (a lot of) time (and a lot of therapy!!!), I got more comfortable with the idea of softening the grip. Wondering what life would feel like if not defined by the rigid parameters of perfectionism. Tried to unweave ego and identity from work.
It’s been a lot of personal unlearning after professional learning, acknowledging that what has been helpful and successful in my professional life is maladaptive in my personal life. There was a big realization a few years ago that if I want to practice what I preach with my patients, and not live in a constant maelstrom of stress, I have to scale back.
Part of that meant a long break from social media.
This was enormously challenging given the incredible amount of support (and amazing friendships!) I have gained from social media. I miss the community, though am grateful to have cultivated some of that here on Substack when starting this newsletter.
But spending a decade of your life on social media, especially during formative and vulnerable years of early adulthood, is quite complicated. The lines of what is work and what is simply enjoyment are blurred. There are also complicated success metrics rooted in a culture of consumerism and comparison. Always being on and a need (sometimes desperation) to be liked, literally and metaphorically.
I’m still grappling with how I want to show up in the future on social media, wondering if there’s a way to do it without being sucked back into the underworld of endless scrolling and second-guessing.
It’s possible it may feel more easeful if I’m not working so much.
And to that point, starting next week, I’m dropping my hours further from PA work so that I can dance in the in-between a bit more. To not necessarily add anything in that space, but rather have more thoughtful time and energy to put into what I currently have going on - clinical hours as a PA, doing individual sessions and a group visit, seeing clients at Indigo, my new role as program director for the wellbeing center, and writing this newsletter.
To not feel so pressed and stressed all the time. More space to fully enjoy each part of my life and career rather than rushing from one thing to the next.
I am a different person than who I was on the internet 10 years ago.
Of course there are times I look back at some points and feel every cell in my body shrivel into a massive cloud of cringe. It’s rare for anything to age well, viewing prior content through the lens of what you know now vs what you knew (and very much so didn’t know) then.
It’s tempting to want to delete or edit everything from those early days. But other times when I have so much understanding and a well of compassion for that person. Who made mistakes but tried to learn, grow, and evolve from them. Who is still very much so learning and evolving.
And kind of cool to acknowledge it’s entirely possible to change your mind. That something you once thought is entirely different from how you think now.
Who knows what the next 10 years will bring. Just taking it day by day, month by month.
And now for the mindful month round up.
Sights
Books
The Lion Women of Tehran by Marjan Kamali: I absolutely fell in love with the protagonists of this book Elaheh and Homa. The friends come from different backgrounds and the book begins by letting the reader know there was a big rift in the relationship. The novel incorporates the landscape of the friendship, as well as the escalating political climate in Iran, highlighting the growing unrest and its impact on the characters' lives.
They’re Going to Love You by Meg Howrey: Oh how I adored this book. The writing was sharp, funny, and self-deprecating - my personal favorite trifecta. The story oscillates between present day and New York City in the 80s, bringing life to the ballet scene of the time. While dance is at the forefront, forgiveness is in the soil, laying the groundwork for the prominent theme throughout the book. If you grew up a dancer, I think you’ll appreciate it.
The Women by Kristen Hannah - Like many, this was on my TBR list for some time, though there’s been a degree of hesitation. I wasn’t particularly motivated to read about war, and for that reason I continued letting the clock run out on Libby before I requested it for a second or third time. I wish I didn’t put it off for so long because it was such a good read. I loved the main character Frankie and learned so much about the nurses who served in the Vietnam War. If historical fiction with a healthcare focus is your cup of tea, I think you’ll appreciate this.
TV shows
The Bear, season 4 - I binged this whole season between Friday night and Saturday. In some ways, continuing to engage in this show feels like self-sabotage, given the alarming amount of palpable anxiety in each scene. Those this season was a sharp departure from prior seasons and episodes. There was a satisfying degree of softness and new, fresh storylines for each character. It was like everyone finally went to therapy, and for that reason it’s my favorite season yet.
House Hunters International - Every once in awhile I find a TV show that is the equivalent of a lobotomy (in a good way). This show is that for me. International real estate with minimal fuss in the editing department. A quick and no frills way to spend 20 minutes on a brain break.
Sounds
A few months ago, I learned that some of the Indigo team was going to Kripalu for the weekend. Upon recalling it was in Massachusetts, I purchased a day pass and planned to join for one of the days they were there.
When planning the travel day a few days prior, I realized it was a 2 hour drive.
At face value, a long trek for a single day.
Though it had been over a year since I saw Carolyn and the team and I needed a big embrace and in-person catch up. I love that I get to see her virtually every week when discussing clients and cases, but there’s something much different about wandering a luscious lavender maze and doing yoga classes together.
When we met up, it was during the silent breakfast.
If you’ve ever been bursting at the seams to see a long distant friend and then find yourself having to spend the first meal together in complete silence it is…super weird. And super funny.
But the rest of the day was filled with rain pattering on the roof, deep breathing in yoga classes, and sounds of taste bud delight from the meals served. A day very well spent.




Smells
The soap at our Paris hotel was a combination of: aloe vera, bergamot, iris, cedar, and white musk. I absolutely loved it and cannot find this anywhere. I am saddened to say I think this was made special just for the hotel.
Though I did bring my Lavande 31 perfume and wore it while there, which is the perfume I brought on The Copenhagen Trip. Scent is such a lovely portal into nostalgia and I love that when I wear this perfume, I’m now reminded of long, lazy, meandering days in Paris and Copenhagen.
Also, I finally tested out the famous Baccarat Rouge perfume. Am I the only one who doesn’t get the hype? Not yucking anyone’s yum, but I had high hopes and was unpleasantly surprised.
Tastes
Sarma: It’s been a few years since I’ve been to Sarma and I went last weekend. I was with a friend who is a pescatarian and dairy free eater, and they had an entire menu dedicated to dairy free menu options. Each dish was incredibly flavorful and inventive - unexpected in all the best ways. Like in the middle of deep conversation and then distracted by the bite of food type good. This is incredibly popular in the Boston area and getting a reservation can feel impossible. Book really or go early are my pieces of advice.
Field and Vine: This is another tried and true Somerville favorite for me. From the ambience to the service, this is soup to nuts always a lovely experience. The cheddar scallion cornbread is a personal favorite and something that’s a staple each time I go. But there’s always something new and rotating, like the chamomile ice cream with strawberry swirls. This is how we finished the meal and it was the perfect cherry on top.
PARIS!!!!
Our brief trip to Paris was filled with wandering and eating. Here’s a brief visual overview of the eating itinerary. Details included in the post!









Feels
Hot. Very hot. Extreme Heat Warning Hot.
But aside from the physical discomfort from the heat (and getting my IUD replaced on Thursday…more on that next week), I am grooving.
Not only is it fun to reflect on my decade on social media-aversary, but Mike and I celebrated our official 3 years together on Friday. The most easeful love I’ve ever known. Love ya, kid.
Oh!
I also wanted to share about a new offering at Indigo.
Our mental health therapist, Jules is running a virtual Individual Fertility Support Group starting Tuesday 7/1 at 8 PM. This group will run weekly with its final session being held on 7/29. Here's the link for more information: https://www.indigowellnessgroup.com/support-groups.
If you'd like to chat with Jules before committing to the group, her email is julianne@indigowellnessgroup.com.
Jules is magic in human form. Truly one of the best therapists I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing and meeting. Cannot recommend her enough.
And on that note…hi July???