hypo-palatable days and hyper-palatable nights

craving flavor when life feels flavorless

The wedding is 24 days away - the seating chart unfinished, the marriage license still on the to do list, the cake unordered, the vows not yet written.

Simultaneously, I’m in one of my most stressful work seasons - staff transitions, a program on the brink of collapse, gaps in infrastructure revealed.

the flop era of my dream job

I am, on the outside, getting through it. Though I didn’t realized just how stressed I was until my appetite took a hit.

Because of my work, I think and talk about hunger and appetite a lot - they’re topics I find fascinating and therefore enjoy exploring personally and with patients. They’re also - very complicated!

Probably why I wrote a 3,000 word essay on this exact topic and still felt like I was just brushing the surface…

on hunger

Last night, after completing dinner, I found myself with a pretty intense sweet craving. This is atypical - the result of spending years healing my relationship with food and no longer in a cycle of restriction. Food noise, thereby, drastically decreases (which the research supports! ⬇️).

food noise and cravings

But last night was different.

I found a forlorn chocolate bar in the pantry. It was milk chocolate and s'mores flavored (neither of which I even like, for the record). It was old and stale. And I ate it anyway.

I can’t say I necessarily enjoyed it or found it all that pleasurable, though that wasn’t the purpose it was serving. It was a hit of something very sweet after a day that was very not.

A punch of hyper-palatability after a day of hypo-palatability.

It reminded me of an absolutely fascinating conversation I had with a patient recently.

The patient works in behavioral health with children who have special needs. Her day (despite being a career rooted in passion and purpose), is exhausting. There is barely time to eat, let alone enjoy a meal. Let alone TASTE a meal. Rushed, hurried, stressed, overwhelmed, overstimulated. Perhaps a little bit intolerable.

Hypo-palatable.

She gets home and finds herself reaching for hyper-palatable foods - the scientific term for engineered or ultra-processed foods that combine fat, sugar, and salt in ways that trigger the brain's reward system.

Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with these foods - they are neither good or bad. There is no morality associated with them. Though she felt like the food was happening to her, rather than an active and intentional choice.

As in all patient encounters, there was a lot of unpack. And while the conversation wasn’t only about palatability, it did bring up a really interesting topic. One that I’ve since been thinking about, and reconnected back to in my own life just yesterday.

OF COURSE I was craving something really rich in flavor when the majority of my day felt mostly devoid of pleasure or care. I work in an energetically high-giving field, and when in combination with higher work stress and wedding stress, um yeah I’m going to reach for something super flavorful. These foods often provide the body with a quick hit of fuel and energy because they’re higher in glucose. So it makes sense to reach for them when feeling energy-devoid. There’s a physiologic piece worth naming here, too.

So what do we do with this information?

Identifying it is helpful, though not always actionable.

First is bring so much compassion there. My appetite’s been wonky, and eating feels kind of like a chore I have to accomplish. Finally feeling a hint of a craving was nice. It served a purpose.

Next is to notice if any guilt or shame are present at the table. If so, it’s likely the pattern or behavior will continue. These feelings often drive compensatory restriction, which thereby keeps the cycle continuing. (And then bring EVEN MORE compassion there.)

Maybe after eating the hyper-palatable thing comes an activity that is rooted only in enjoyment, pleasure, or care. To prime the body to remember what this feels like, rather than existing the whole day drained and depleted.

And perhaps the following day, setting designated times to check-in with the physical body, even if only for 30 seconds: for a shake out, a big sigh, a mindful few bites of a meal. Maybe recognizing that a meal isn’t enjoyable and adding something different (a crunch! a texture! a spice! new flavor! a different meal entirely!).

Or maybe we don’t have to jump in action. Maybe just acknowledgment, sitting with it, and getting curious and compassionate is more than enough for now.

This post is not medical advice and is not a substitute for support from your care team. If you're struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, please reach out to a professional. The Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association is a wonderful resource to start.