Prozac and purple pants

a look through my mental health journey

Yesterday I arrived in Aracaju, Brazil after an 18 hour travel day. I’m here for a mix of work and travel and am so beyond thrilled by this opportunity. I’ll share more details after the trip, but if you had asked PA school me if I ever saw my career as a PA landing me in Brazil, I would probably shake my head in disbelief.

It was hard for me to be future oriented in PA school, likely due to the intensity and depressive symptoms that emerged throughout.

Mental health is something I think about on a daily (read: hourly) basis both for patients and myself.

Something I don’t often mention on social media is the fact that I was diagnosed with OCD when I was in elementary school. I remember bits and pieces of this time period - having to touch every door of the house before leaving, washing my hands until they were cracked and bleeding, needing all clothing to be uniformly one color and compressive (often the same purple leggings).

My parents brought me to a psychiatrist and I was started on Prozac, an SSRI (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor). At the time, I didn’t recall what it was other than a dropper of viscous peppermint liquid I had to swallow every morning. And the symptoms eventually abated; the obsessions and compulsions softened.

In middle school, I remember filling out a form for my first school overnight trip my eyes stopped and widened over the line that asked about medications. I was filled with embarrassment and shame, presuming my classmates likely left this line blank. And given my symptoms had been stable for the last few years, I wanted out. I asked my parents if I could go off the medication and we all spoke with the psychiatrist. Under psychiatry supervision, I tapered down and eventually off.

To perhaps my own biggest surprise, the OCD symptoms didn’t recur. Do I have relapsing flavors of anxiety and depression? Certainly. Though I no longer live with diagnosed OCD and it’s like a distant, hazy memory.

I’m so grateful for the medication, as it allowed me to continue going to school, no longer devastated and distracted by a routine that I had to do, or else risk having a torrential meltdown.

So I’d like to take this opportunity to speak more globally about mental health and medication, as I’ve seen mixed messages about how this is presented in social media spaces.

You’ll get my own experience, a peek inside what my counseling looks like during patient encounters, and a brief comment on how I see some of this present in the social media space. Of course, this is not medical advice, and it’s abundantly important to seek individualized help for all mental and physical health related concerns.