Making peace with my past

A journey through formative romantic relationships

My first love really fucked me up.

And since then, I found myself in similar and cyclical relationship patterns. It wasn’t until I was able to really admit and address said patterns with myself and in therapy, that I was able to break this cycle.

This honestly happened for years until I found my current partner. This relationship is nothing like one I previously experienced or envisioned for myself. It was not hot and heavy right at the beginning. In fact, after our first date, he asked to kiss me and I said no (more on that below).

Today I’m spending some time talking about my past experiences in romantic relationships and how they’ve shaped bad habits and self-fulfilling prophecy patterns. Though after years of working through it, I’m in the most easeful relationship of my life.

To be clear - I’m not talking shit about any of my exes. Because I’m mostly to blame if we’re being honest, and I’m unendingly grateful for the lessons I’ve learned over the years of love and loss. I’ll also be reviewing stepping into a new relationship when you work in healthcare and are incredibly burnt out. And dating on the apps in your late 20s/30s.

Trigger warning: if you are in the midst of a break-up, eating disorder, or depression, this may be a post to skip.